Driving in Pakistan for Dummies: How to Reach the Gym

Think for a moment what it is like to take a normal drive from your house or apartment to a daily destination such as the gym, store, or work. Now compare that with my 10-20 minute trip to the gym. Driving in Pakistan requires a completely different skill set…

1. Walk outside house and unlock gate.
2. Enter right side of car and place key in ignition.
3. Use left hand to place car in reverse and back up, making sure not hit the mirrors against the sides of the house.
4. Put on emergency brake, step out of car and lock gate.
5. Step back into car and continue backward.
6. When back of car is 2 feet into road, look both ways for pedestrians, goats, kids, carts, cars, rickshaws, etc.
7. Back up fully on to Park Lane and begin driving on the left side of the street, making sure to dodge the potholes.
8. Honk just before entering intersection to ensure other drivers are aware that you are coming.
9. Pass old man holding out his hand for change.
10. Take a left on Clifton road toward Tin Talwar (“Three Swords” in Urdu. A roundabout with a monument of three swords in the center). If you wait until the coast is clear, you will be here all night. Force your way into traffic.
11. Honk at slow vehicles that are driving in the middle of the road so they will move into one lane.
12. As you get closer to Tin Talwar, move to the extreme left so that you can bypass most of the traffic that is waiting to turn right.
13. Wait in traffic. Wag finger and say “Nay” to: transvestites looking for money, kids wanting to clean the windshield, hawkers selling cheap inflatable toys, etc.
14. Sneak back into right lane about 100 meters before Tin Talwar and wait.
15. Honk at cars that are too close.
16. Keep your bumper 5 inches behind the car in front of you to keep other cars from cutting in.
17. Avoid hitting pedestrians and motorcyclists who will jump in front of you.
18. Pass the traffic cops extracting bribes and turn right.
19. Continue until the next intersection where the traffic light is not working. Force your way through the traffic to the other side. Pray the colorful buses with people on the roof will not hit you.
21. Drive straight into the water. It should be no more than a few inches deep. Continue toward the piles of gravel where the street crews have still not filled the holes.
22. Drive through the puddles of water and make sure not to stop in a trough as these can be five to seven inches deep. Allow cars and rickshaws through when necessary, as there is only room for one vehicle at a time.
23. Navigate the maze of potholes and take a right at the end of the road. Be sure to honk at cars with their reverse lights on.
24. Pass through the shops and veer to the left.
25. Take an immediate right past the guard, through the gate into Shapes.

Joel Montgomery

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Cultural Highlights (Turkey)

Each day is full of new cultural adventures. Here are some highlights:

Haircut – What a seemingly simple task to get a haircut. You arrive, sit for a few minutes, chat a bit about current events, and leave a little lighter. Imagine that you have to go to a new barber and all you can say is, “Hello,” “Thank you,” “I don’t understand,” and “I am American.” I entered the Turkish barbershop as I always do, with my hair a little too long and the usual air of patience. I don’t know what it is about the barbershop, but unlike so many other aspects of my life, patience pervades the experience. Anyway, back to the story, my barber and I spent the first few minutes trying to agree on what I actually needed. I pointed at the sides and top of my hair showing different lengths with my tweezer fingers. I thought we were in agreement until huge chunks of hair started to fall in my lap. I must not have been clear. I stopped the Turkish barber and showed him once again the length of hair to cut off, but this time using my newly cut locks as a reference. After the cut, he washed my hair twice and then dried it. Now I must admit that I am not used to other people washing my hair, but I decided that the old “When in Rome” adage might be a good rule to follow. I have to say that in spite of the language barrier, my Turkish barber cut my hair better than many of the barbers that have scissored me in the States. The experience was well worth 15 Lira.

Traffic –A few days ago, I was in a bus that was driving down the main road that runs parallel to the Bosporus and we suddenly came to a standstill. Now traffic in Istanbul is not an unusual occurrence, but this time, there seemed to be no way to pass. A bus with its blinking hazard light sat diagonally, blocking the outgoing lane, while a smaller truck was blocking the incoming lane. Obviously, the bus had been involved in some kind of accident. Just when I began to embrace the fact that we were going to be sitting for a long while, a policeman arrived on the scene and motioned for the truck to back up and make room for the incoming traffic. The truck driver slowly navigated the small spaces around him, following the police officer’s every order. Just enough space had been cleared for a police bus to pass. The officer returned to his comrades and the vehicle sped on by, leaving the scene in chaos. By some miracle, we were able to pass the wreck.

Driving – Driving etiquette in emerging markets is slightly different than in much of the developed world. Now New York City has its quirks, but Istanbul has been a whole new experience. Firstly, there are no exit numbers or road markers at all. Now that doesn’t really matter when you are driving in your hometown, but for people not accustomed to the city, it’s extremely helpful. Directions here are similar to much of Latin America, where landmarks are the key. In Costa Rica, we always joked that directions in the countryside went like this: “Go 400m and take a right at the lemon tree. Continue on the dirt road until you see a herd of cattle. Take a left, drive 200m east past the church…” Anyway, back to Turkey, the second quirk about driving is the invisibility of lanes. Unlike the West, staying in lanes is optional, especially in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Every evening I spend at least 30 minutes maneuvering through the traffic towards the bridge that crosses the Bosphorus back into Europe. Even though there are only three official lanes, Turkish drivers take advantage of every possible inch of asphalt. I guess the logic is why stay in three lanes when there is room for five.

Food – Plain yogurt is a staple of meals here in Turkey. They even have a homemade drinkable yogurt that is essentially regular yogurt mixed with water. Pistachios are the nut of choice. They are everywhere, in the ice cream, on the ice cream cones, in the desserts, in salads, etc. Fruit and vegetables are incredibly fresh here in Istanbul. Cherries, apricots, green plumbs, watermelon. Often a plate of fruit is served after meals in Turkish restaurants. The lamb here is incredible! In fact, most meat is very tastefully prepared.

Pictures: http://www.theblackstripe.com/public.php?u=&album=1185

Joel Montgomery

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